“We met Dad’s new girlfriend”
The children have met their father’s new fucking girlfriend. And I don’t know what to do with this weird feeling. I’m not mad. I’m not jealous. I’m not pining away wondering if I did the right thing by asking for a divorce. (Have never wavered in that belief.) I don’t know what this feeling is and I don’t know how to fix it.
To be fair, Steve called me the day before to let me know that they were going to meet her. His family was having their Christmas and he was taking her and the kids. He was fucking taking her and the kids. My kids. Our kids. Not her kids.
And then, the Facebook posts started rolling in. Not from Steve, because I unfriended him. But, from all of his other family members that I am still Facebook friends with. (None of them have reached out to me, by the way. At all during this process. Make no mistake, they were never big fans of me, nor I of them. But we made it work.) And that was weird, because there she is. In the pictures with the family. I’ve already been forgotten and I’ve already been replaced.
Trying to dig deep and figure out why I care that I’ve been replaced in the family already. Why is this bothering me? I nicknamed his parent’s house “The Funny Farm” because it was. Those people are cray.
And I think it was this one that hit me the hardest.
It’s so fucking weird. I look at this picture and I see this woman with my husband and daughter. There she is sitting on the floor, playing with Olive. Taking my place. She’s probably on her best behavior, swooning over my children and talking about how wonderful they are. What I know – she’s at least 50% faking the interest in my kids. 50% of her is annoyed with them. No one can ever love my kids as much as I do. And I realize then that it’s not the family I care about being replaced in. It’s my children’s lives. A new woman has been brought into their lives via their father.
It’s all part of it – moving on. I guess it just caught me by surprise. I have played out this divorce in my head millions of times over the past 5 years. Never, did I get to here. I wasn’t prepared. I never rehearsed this situation in my head. That was stupid.
Days like today make me super pissed at myself that I couldn’t just stay. Everyone else does. They stay in a loveless marriage as roommates and friends. Steve and I made excellent roommates and friends. (Although, he’d probably beg to differ as I’m pretty messy and the house has never been cleaner since I moved out.) And it would have been just so much easier. But, the good news is that days like today are becoming fewer and far between.
Divorce can suck my ass (sometimes).
Bumble. Stumble 