I’ve owed all ya’ll a post for quite some time and I realize that. Gone into a bit of hiding as it has been more stumble than bumble. You know what the worst two feelings in the world are? Grief and vulnerability. I thought I’d try on vulnerability for a minute. I mean, all of the other girls are doing it, right? Not a good look for me.
Yesterday, driving home from work, I painfully longed for my family. Physical pain. I wanted to be driving home to my husband and my children, all intact. But the family I longed for wasn’t the one that is no more – I thought about Steve, Sasse Way and knew that definitely was not the family that I longed for. I miss family. And I really struggled yesterday. And I know there will be days like that. I chose this. And through tears and gut wrenching pain, I will always know that I did the right thing.
I’m trying to figure out if dating in my 20’s was similar in that it seems like we’re all just placeholders for each other. I’ve been a placeholder for the past few months for a bumblee. I didn’t realize it until just recently. Good news, lesson learned – I don’t like being a placeholder. Not a good feeling. Almost like I’ve been had. And that’s what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. The bad news, I have a placeholder right now. And I’m going to end up making him feel the way I feel right now.
Bumble. Stumble 